Stuff BO Members Are Forbidden From, EVER AGAIN
by Kuro.NekoRyn
Summary: The things they get up to... Well, they were never the sanest or most normal of people anyway. Semi-AU. Rated for some stuff. Hints of Yullen and Lucky. Inspired by a similar Naruto fic. There's some backstory included now!
1. Rules 1 to 30

**Disclaimer: DGM belongs to the great Hoshino sensei. All I own is this fanfic...**

**chibi-moyashi: Which has been stewing in her head for how many months?**

**Kuro: Oh shut up, sis. *Strokes plot-kittens* I'm trying to let this baby grow... Flames will be doused with my plot-kitten Kori's water, or used to cook meals. Thanks for reading! I've got more rules for this, but they're still a WIP... This is my first fanfic, so please leave some constructive criticisms and feedback! *Gulp* nervous...**

**Warning: Mild hint of Yullen. Blink and you'll miss them, though...**

**Things Members of The BO Are No Longer Allowed To Do**

1. Lavi is hereby banned from sticking notes to Kanda Yuu's back.

2. We don't care if the 'Made In China' sticker made the Generals laugh. It's not funny

3. Correction, it's not funny to have our offices destroyed because your hands were itchy.

4. Asking Kanda, "If you're Japanese, why were you made in _China_?" is not a good idea. Ever.

5. Asking him about quality control in China is out too.

6. Lavi, you're not allowed to bribe Allen into saying that with dango.

7. Kanda, put them down. _This instant._

8. We know he deserves it. That doesn't mean you can **-bleep-** him, **-blank-** him and **-censored-** him. It's highly disturbing.

9. The Millennium Earl called. He said if your intention was to frighten him into stopping for a while, it worked. Very well.

10. Lavi is not allowed to call Kanda Yuu"Y Kandy". Even if he is "hot like **WHOA**!".

11. Even if the majority of females in the BO agreed.

12. We don't care if Allen agreed too.

13. Wait a second… _ALLEN AGREED? _

14. You're not allowed to call him "Kondom" either.

15. Seriously, Lavi, stop punning his name. Do you _want_ to get beaten up by him?

16. From this day onwards, Lavi, Bookman Jr., is hereby declared a masochist.

17. Why the hell did you have to ask him if Mugen's length is supposed to compensate for something?

18. We know General Cross' Judgement is 'wicked big and wicked long'. This does not, however, mean you can insinuate that it's supposed to compensate for something. He does not appreciate it.

19. No, not even if Allen, Lenalee and General Nyne found it funny.

20. Same goes for General Sokaro's Madness.

21. You deserved that from them, Lavi.

22. We all know Odzuci Kodzuchi can "grow very big, very long, very quickly". Now stop referring it to certain parts of your anatomy.

23. You're not allowed to sue Bookman and Lenalee for almost castrating you. The other members of the BO thank them.

24. Allen Walker is not allowed to tell Kanda Yuu the world just stopped producing soba, and that it's been outlawed across the globe.

25. We do NOT care if Jerry and almost all the BO were in on it. His screams were highly disturbing!

26. We're still working on a cure for the temporary deafness due to screams ringing in our ears, dammit!

27. Asking Link to give Kanda hairstyling lessons (and telling Kanda he really needs them) was _NOT_ a very good idea either, Allen.

28. Lenalee, as much as we agree, you're not allowed to tie them up and deliver them to Komurin.

_29. NO,_ not even if they did _that_ to your room because of their "never-ceasing 3-way bitchfights"!

30. The four of you, stop. Just stop. For the sake of whatever sanity we have left.

**Lavi: Well, that was fun!**

**Kanda: Che, can I kill them now? Except for the Moyashi, that is...**

**Kuro: Why? What are you going to do to him?**

**Kanda: You'll see... Heheheheheh...**

**All: O.O" Kanda's evil laugh s extremely... disturbing...**

**Allen: Help! =O**

**Dark Allen: I'll plait his hair tonight when he sleeps... Wonder if he looks hot in a plait?**


	2. Rules 31 to 65

**Kuro: 2nd lot up! More members of the BO make an appearance. This fic is sort of AU-ish, and now it starts delving deeper into Yullen territory... Next update will be a week later.**

**Kanda: Finally, some action.**

**Kuro: Yes, yes. Now shut up. **

**Disclaimer: Hoshino-sensei owns everything DGM. If I owned it, Kanda and Allen would be an item by now.**

**Things Members of The BO Are No Longer Allowed To Do 2**

31. Lavi, kindly stop referring to General Yeegar's Innocence as his "balls".

32. …What is it with you and perverted jokes anyway? Hang on, don't reply to that. We don't want to know.

33. "You didn't specify which Lavi" is not a good excuse. There's only one Lavi in here anyway.

34. Komui, GET BACK TO WORK.

35. Telling Link chess was for sissies wasn't the best of ideas, Kanda. Even Lavi knows that much.

36. General Cross Marian is not allowed anywhere near the hardware storeroom again. Now put those hammers back, General.

37. General Cross Marian is expressly forbidden from chucking hammers at Allen Walker "just for the fun of it" because he broke your last bottle of Romanee Conti.

38. General Nyne is expressly forbidden from using her whip on General Cross. It just gives him ideas we do NOT need to know about.

39. General Cross Marian is expressly forbidden from stating any perverted fantasies of General Klaud Nyne out loud in public. Have you ever heard of too much information, General?

40. The same goes for any fantasies involving any other female member of the Black Order! You were just lucky the Finders restrained Komui and Marie in time.

41. Whichever one of you thought it funny to send in porn-filled mission reports, it is not. Do you know how hard it is to get work done in here now?

42. We don't care if the Grand Generals want more!

43. No, sex tapes are not allowed as well. At least now we know who's behind this…

44. General Cross Marian and Lavi, Bookman Jr., are hereby GROUNDED until further notice.

45. …Kanda, why is the Millennium Earl asking for his "Book of Scary and Threatening, Nightmare-Inducing Threats and Faces" back?

46. Alright, _how_ did General Cross get out of that room?

47. General Sokaro is banned from giving the new Finder recruits "Physical Education lessons".

48. None of them have left their beds since yesterday, that's why!

49. "Because they were a bunch of pansies, sissies and wimps" is NOT an acceptable answer.

50. Whoever thought it funny to sing "I Ain't Got No Body" around Allen Walker when he's in 14th mode, you're paying for the damage he did to the Black Order chasing after you.

51. His eyes were _golden_, that's how we know!

52. Neah Walker would like all of you to know that he _has_ got a body. It just happens to belong to someone else as well.

53. One General Cross is more than enough. Stop trying to emulate him, Lavi.

54. While, we all agree that Kanda is much too grouchy for his own good and needs some form of stress relief, locking him in a titanium-reinforced steel cleaner's closet with Allen was NOT the way to do it.

55. Even if it worked.

56. The hell? _It worked?_

57. No, it still wasn't a good idea, not even if Lenalee and Jerry gave you the idea that Kanda's disposition would improve greatly if he laid someone.

58. It's _your_ fault Allen is crying and destroying our offices because he thought it was a one-night stand. _You_ three stop him.

59. Where the hell is Kanda when you need him?

60. Lavi, may we ask why General Cross is in Komui's office demanding you blood?

61. And Jerry's?

62._ And_ Lenalee's first time? Wait, _what?_

63. Mr Neah Walker, we would much appreciate it if you would go back to sleeping in your nephew's head instead of backing General Cross up...

64. Komui, put the Komurin remote down. General Cross, put Judgment down. Allen/ Neah/ Black Allen/ whichever you are, put both of them down.

65. DAMMIT, YOU LOT! FIX OUR OFFICES! The money's coming out of your pay- Was that Kanda? Somebody nab him!

**General Cross: Where's Tiedoll when you need him? I need to talk to him about that horny bastard-boy of his!**

**Kuro: Now, be patient! You'll get your chance... next week.**

**General Cross: _The hell?_**

**Kanda: Not if I can help it. Che. Annoying old man.**

**Kuro: NO, GENERAL! Don't murder him yet! Put that hammer down!**


	3. Rules 66 to 90

**Disclaimer: Hoshino -sensei owns everything. I own the slightly OOC actions they indulge in. =) Special shout out to waterlit and WeirdWolfz, my first two reviewers! Thanks, guys! Enjoy!**

**Cross: Finally... revenge...**

**Kuro: You'll be surprised.**

**Kanda: Che. Bring it on, old man.**

**Things Members of The BO Are No Longer Allowed To Do, cont'**

66. Kanda is not allowed to bodily harm any one trying to restrain him. Lavi is not allowed to redecorate Kanda's room using bean sprouts.

67. Nor are you allowed to do it using bean sprout-patterned wallpaper.

68. Or carpeting.

69. Or curtains.

70. Lavi is not allowed within a five mile radius of, or into Kanda Yuu's room. No matter how funny the results may be.

71. No, we don't think he needs a cheerier décor. _You're still not allowed in for any reason whatsoever. _Now get out before he sics his insects on you.

72. Kanda Yuu is not allowed to sic his insects on Lavi. We don't care if we gave you that idea.

73. Allen Walker is not allowed to use Crowned Clown to shoot tranquilizer darts containing Arystar Krory's stores of Akuma blood at Kanda Yuu.

74. No, you're not allowed to use guns, blowpipes or your hands either.

75. General Cross is not allowed to threaten to beat up General Froi Tiedoll to get Kanda Yuu to apologize to Allen Walker, even if he was very willing to "help". It doesn't work anyway. Does it?

76. General Cross is not allowed to challenge Kanda Yuu's manliness, and vice versa.

77. Kanda Yuu is not allowed to challenge General Cross to a duel, a shoot off, a kendo match or any kind of competitions matches or any kind of show-off.

78. General Cross is not allowed to call Kanda a "bitchy PMS-ing Rapunzel bishounen boy with super gay girly hair".

79. Kanda Yuu is not allowed to call General Cross Marian a "dirty old man with hands like a hyperactive drunk monkey". Even if it's true. He may be older than you, but that makes him your senior at the same time.

80. Why else do you think he shot you, Kanda?

81. General Winters Sokaro is barred from joining them in any of their matches "just for the heck of it". Or for any other reason whatsoever.

82. "I was bored" is not a good excuse. At all. Refer to rule 81.

83. General Cross Marian, General Winters Sokaro, Kanda Yuu, Allen Walker and Lavi are prohibited from doing any form of lasting damage to one another. If the Health Department has to treat you idiots ONE. MORE. TIME.

84. Lavi is not allowed to hit on Bridget Fay, no matter how much Komui paid you to. The same goes for any other perverted, horny redheaded Exorcists.

85. Yes, General Cross, we're looking at _you._

86. … Komui … Leave Mr. Legory Peck out of this as well…

87. "Payback for looking at Lenalee like that" isn't what we would call a good excuse.

88. This is not Konoha. You're not allowed to throw kunais at random Finders as "stress relief" after yet another argument with Allen, Kanda.

89. You are not allowed to tell Komui that Lenalee would "do GREAT in a cancan competition!", General Cross.

90. General Nyne, please put that Iron Maiden down. Much as it saddens us to say it, we still need General Cross.

**General Nyne: I **_**was**_** looking forward to locking him in that thing, you know.**

**Kuro: BEHAVE, you lot! Well, I did have fun writing this...**


	4. Rules 91 to 120

**Disclaimer: Hoshino -sensei owns everything. I own the slightly OOC actions they indulge in, and the Yullen hints. =) **

**Kuro: Man, I love my reviewers.**

**Allen: That's it, float off with your head in the clouds again…**

**Kuro: Oh shut it. KANDA!**

**Kanda: My pleasure.**

**Allen: *whimpers***

**Kuro: MORE Yullen hints! But they're not an official couple. Yet. And some of another pairing too! See if you can guess it- it's kind of obvious though.**

**X**

**Things Members of The BO Are No Longer Allowed To Do EVER AGAIN**

91. The Grand Generals and Cardinals do not collectively have sticks that need to be removed from certain places. Nor do they appreciate graffiti plastered all over the Main Hall informing them of such.

92. Not even if it made everyone- us included- laugh.

93. Even if you felt the need to graffiti sexually explicit images of General Cross onto the wall of the Main Hall, Lavi and Allen, it would help if your drawing skills extended to more than giant paint blots and stick figures.

94. Allen Walker and Lavi are forbidden from taking art lessons from General Froi Tiedoll.

95. No, not even if General Froi Tiedoll offered them to you for free.

96. Especially not if he was particularly interested and enthusiastic in offering them.

97. Stop influencing him, you two!

98. Komui, Jerry, stop encouraging them.

99. Art is not a "BANG!", you lot. Stop blowing up the Cardinals' art collections. Those Da Vincis were priceless!

100. This is not Sparta.

101. Neither is any place with lots of Akuma. You're giving the Earl ideas.

102. Whistling the "Ghostbusters" theme song when fighting Akuma will not get them to flee on sight or detonate.

103. OK, _seriously_, Lavi, _what? _No one is allowed to revoke this rule based on the single improbable, ridiculous situation where it did get a Level 3 to flee.

104. You're not allowed to slip nude photos of the Exorcists into the Black Order's yearly calendar. Allen and Lenalee are still minors, dammit!

105. For once, we think Kanda is right. Leave them out of this.

106. It doesn't matter that the pages with Allen and Kanda in them sold particularly well. _Cease this instance._ Are you suicidal?

107. Kanda would like whoever put Allen's photos in to know that he is very hot on your trail. He also wishes to know if you have any last requests. Komui says the same about Lenalee's as well.

108. While we do realize that the calendars have boosted morale immensely everywhere, we still feel you should stop. We now have 100 nude photos and quite a few irate exorcists in here.

109. Oh, so it _was_ you two after all. Serves you right.

110. Stripping is not an acceptable battle tactic with the Noahs, Lavi. Nor is pole dancing around your hammer. No, not even if it actually worked. Are you sure it was a _real _Noah you were fighting, and not just another rabid Pleasure Noah fanboy cosplayer?

111. Stop getting Allen to copy you. We've just managed to finish restraining Kanda and now he's broken loose again!

112. Stop copying him, Allen.

113. Stripping is NOT an acceptable tactic during practice fights with Kanda, Allen. Just _look_ at all the comatose people in the training halls!

114. Even if you did manage to knock Kanda out for once, it's still forbidden. Even _General Cross_ is unconscious. Do you have any idea how much all that muscle collectively weighs?

115. Lavi, you're not allowed to canonize Allen for this "super awesomely cool miracle". We do agree, however, that you may write it down in the history logs as a Once In A Lifetime Event.

116. You're cleaning up all the blood, Allen. Alone. Yes, _that_ Red Sea in the training halls. After you help us transport Kanda and everyone else to the hospital wing, that is.

117. Akuma do not need to fill out piles of bureaucratic paperwork before they try to kill you. We are, however, impressed that you have managed to convince them to do this.

118. Seriously, Lavi, just how did you manage to get the _Noah and the Millennium Earl _of all people to do it? And no, you're still not allowed to revoke Rule 117. And with _Link_ of all people to help you.

119. The Noah of Pleasure does not wish to make you his sex slave, Lavi. Stop using this as an excuse to skip out on missions. Couldn't you teach him to come up with more convincing lies next time, Bookman?

120. On second (and third, and fourth, and etc etc and so on) thought, forget we ever said that.

**X**

**Kuro: Well, enjoy! I won't be around much the next few days though... College and all... T^T**


	5. Rule 1 The Sticker

**Disclaimer: I own only this story, everything else is Hoshino's. **

**ugh... Sorry, I was so busy with college and lab reports that I couldn't update regularly. But thank you to waterlit, ElricLawliet, BlueStar, Fangirl of Lucky, WeirdWolfz and all those who viewed, reviewed, alerted and faved this. Here's your reward! I decided to do some backstories about why some rules exist. If you have any ideas, or any rules you want explained, please leave a review and I'll get down to it. Please and thank you! =D**

**And no flames please. I would like some constructive criticism, but flames will be fed to Natsu from Fairy Tail.**

**XXXXX**

**Rule 1- The Made In China Sticker**

Kanda Yuu was not a happy man. Well, he was never a happy man but today he was being scarier than usual. Like any other normal day, he would glare at people, snap at them if they got in his way, snap at them even if they weren't in his way, shove them away regardless of whether they were in his way (well, except the Moyashi, for _him_ Kanda would stop and engage in what Lenalee called their man-bitch fights), lovingly finger his sword hilt, and walk off leaving quivering little piles of meat jelly in his wake.

Yes, it was fun to start off his daily routine by establishing himself as the BO's biggest bastard and jerkass. He found it highly therapeutic on most days.

Today was no different- that was what he thought initially. He glared at people. He che-ed people. He called them all kinds of names he could think of, and then invented some more to call them before recycling the old ones (yes, he believed in recycling). He shoved and pushed left, right and centre, swearing multicolored streaks by the nanosecond, leaving little rainbows floating behind as he colored the air with his words (well, he _had_ been traveling with an artist). He almost wore Mugen's beautiful, brand new jet black hilt-wrapping out, stroking it and caressing it so much so that that idiot rabbit had asked him if he was dreaming of stroking _something _else instead. So he stopped for a bout of hunting- to him, it was permanently rabbit season in the Black Order anyway. He stopped to scream at Miranda and threaten the Moyashi with Mugen (aahh... harvest time) before Lenalee appeared and kicked them both away. Check, check, check, _check, CHECK! _ So why was today different?

He stormed past a group of Finders, making two cry, three faint and one wet his pants. _Che._ _Pansies. _Then he stopped and whipped around so fast his ponytail slapped his nose (leaving a red streak) and ended up in his mouth. The Finders no longer looked like they were all going to cry. Well, they did look like they would burst into tears any second, but the tears would have been tears of… Laughter. Yes. Every single one of them had screamed at his face and run for the hills, fainted, or prostrated themselves before his feet begging for mercy. But once he had walked past them, he had heard the strangest of sounds. It had taken his brain up until now to register that those sounds alien to his ears were… laughter. Yes. Friggin' _LAUGHTER._

Brows furrowed, Kanda didn't realize he had wandered into the Generals' private lounge on his way to the dining hall until he heard the strangest of sounds. Well, more like a cacophony of strange sounds.

The first sounded like Santa Claus gone hellishly insane.

The second sounded like a hysterical… clucking hen? He really didn't know how to describe the noise. Ok, so it did sound faintly like a hysterical laughing woman, but that was impossible in this place, right? Interspersed with the sounds were strange screeching noises that sounded like some kind of furry tree-dwelling primate.

The third set sounded like some kind of deep, (and even he had to admit this) sexy, extremely manly and slightly feral sounding _rumble- _the kind that would have made Casanova himself turn into a humanoid Shrek permanently. It reminded him of a hungry panther.

The fourth sounded the most human. Just a few geezer chuckles.

The fifth… was the worst. It sounded like the very familiar half wail-half laugh from one art-loving General when he couldn't decide whether to laugh or cry.

"Y-Yuu-k-k-un… Y-you lo-o-ok s-s-s-so c-c-cu-te! P-a-pa's s-s-so p-prou-d!"

He almost couldn't make out the words due to the chuckles and sobs interspersed in between.

"Oi, Rapunzel! Nice fashion accessory! Red Jr help you with it?"

Kanda scowled at the clapping redheaded General with some malice. He wondered how all that hair would look on fire.

"Better watch your back, brat!"

He wondered if it was just him, or did his face really feel that hot?

"I think everyone approves. Don't you agree, Lau?"

Any more screeching from that monkey and he was going to skin it alive- wait, watch _his back?_

Unconcerned with the fact that he was wearing nothing else underneath, he ripped his shirt off. Rather dramatically too. A number of things happened simultaneously.

The sight of glorious morning sunlight streaming in from a nearby crystal paned window and striking the broad, well built expanse of brick hard chest, the pair of solid and finely chiseled pecs, and the magnificent set of six-pack diamond-washboard abs (Yes, Kanda quite like having a toned body to show off to other Exorcists in addition to all that long silky hair second only to Cross Marian's fiery wavy tresses, thank you very much. It made him feel so much more superior to them. Even the generals.) at the right angle and reflecting off it, effectively shut all females within a 20-mile radius up. Some even swore they saw sparkles surrounding that _impeccably perfect_ specimen of a male chest. However, it also caused a small flood of drool and tears to form, and the chorus of "Hallelujah!"s only stopped echoing in the corridors three weeks later. The hospital wing would also have a field day later with the sheer number of dislocated jaws they treated.

Near the entrance to the dining hall, a certain white-haired Exorcist took one look, let go of his trolley… and fainted away. But the idiotic expression of bliss on his cherry red feminine face and the look in his eyes right before his brain died and knocked himself out cold, told the blond Inspector next to him what that HUGE (understatement of the century) sigh had told him only… seconds… before.

Howard Link cast a rueful glance at the remains of his favorite honey melon and pumpkin crumble custard pie, which the sigh had blown all the way across the room onto Leverrier's head. He had rather looked forward to that. In fact, his eyes had steadily been replaced with hearts since Jerry had placed it in his arms. Randomly, he wondered why there was dust falling onto his head, but kept mourning the loss of his beloved pie. Streams of the delicious, yet still extremely hot filling were trickling into the Hitler-wannabe's collar. What a waste. Slowly, Link raised his hand and attempted to fix his hair, which the sigh had blown into a crown of golden spikes. Oh, and an erect ponytail too. He decided it was NOT his look, the punkster wannabe look. Bookman Jr and Madarao could probably pull it off, but definitely not him. Link also took the chance to salute the newly damaged pie that he could still smell. _Damn Walker and his sighs._

In a newly formed crack in the ceiling above them, Timcanpy wriggled about indignantly. At the very least, Allen could have _warned_ him about that tornado of a sigh! He could have prepared by growing or something! Now here he was, stuck in the ceiling, blown here because of a- a sigh! He would never live this down with the other golems. Especially not that annoying little round black idiot. Oh well, he could always eat him up anyway. Although that would annoy Lenalee's golem to no end, and when she was annoyed, all the golems had better watch out. Yes, even him. He wriggled about in vain, wondering howlong it would take for his master to recover from his comatose state on the floor. Couldn't that Inspector guy just get him out instead of mourning the pie?

Kanda himself didn't care. He _did _spend a majority of his missions half-naked after all. He quite liked the breeze around his body. What he did care about was what was so interesting on his back. That and the fact that he might have made the beansprout faint. But, shirt first, everything else later. What he saw, though, put all other things out of his head.

**"KANDA YUU- A HAIRDRESSER'S DREAM!**

**MADE IN CHINA.**

**HANDLE WITH CARE.**

**EXTREMELY FRAGILE.**

**HIGHLY FLAMMABLE.**

**HAS HAIR BETTER THAN BARBIE'S AND SILKIER THAN RAPUNZEL'S.**

**WEAR HEAT PROOF GLOVES WHEN HANDLING**

**EATS ONLY SOBA, TEMPURA AND BEANSPROUTS.**

**COMBS & HAIR PRODUCTS SOLD SEPARATELY.**

**WARNING, THIS PRODUCT CONTAINS EXPLOSIVES, EXPLETIVES AND SHARP POINTY OBJECTS.**

**NOT SUITABLE FOR LTTLE CHILDREN, THE FAINT HEARTED & PREGNANT WOMEN.**

**HIGHLY RECOMMENDED FOR ASPIRING HAIR STYLISTS, THE SUICIDAL, OR WHITE-HAIRED FOOD LOVING EXORCISTS."**

And to top it off, it was all written in hot pink markers and stamped with a paw print. Or to be more specific, a **LUCKY RABBIT'S FOOT**.

There was a general (pun intended) stampede as all others evacuated the area, except Kanda, Allen and Timcanpy. Lenalee shot out the window and into the stratosphere. Komui hid in his Komurin. Jerry squeezed himself into his diamond enforced food-safe. Even Leverrier shot towards the nearest Ark Gate, Link trailing behind. Ensconced in the library, a grinning Lavi popped into a hole he had dug specifically for this purpose. And not a moment too soon, too, because right after the last foot had disappeared from the cafeteria-

"BAKA USAGIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!"

Mount Kanda erupted.

Only instead of lava and ash, it spewed foul words and creepy ghostly insects. Which were also counted as pollutants.

And thus, the First Rule was born amidst chaos.

**~OWARI~**

**XXXXXX**

**Yes, a LUCKY rabbit foot indeed... Get the joke? Guess which laugh belonged to which General. My favourite was the first one.**

**Lavi: Run! RUN! Mount Kanada's erupting! Volcanic eruption!**


	6. Rules 121 to 150

**A/N: Sorry for not updating sooner! College kinda killed me for a while (46 hour days, anyone?) Besides, it's Chinese New Year and we're busy celebrating here, and up until yesterday I was kept busy cleaning the house. Still, here's some more goodies for you all. =)**

**y the way, anyone read Chapter 203 yet? It's full of High Octane Nightmare Fuel, and on the creepiness scale... Rating of 10/5 (yes, that's how creepy it is). A bit confusing though. The cardinal guy is serious bad news. And was I the only one to have my Ephebophilia Radar go off on High Alert when he... you know... (SPOILER ALERT!) cupped Allen's face and called him "beautiful"? o.O" **

**Oh, and Hoshino sort of confirmed that Cross is dead. I think. NNNOOO! She Put three of my favourite characters (Cross, Lavi and Kanda) On A Bus, two of them possibly for good- good thing there's nil chance of that happening to Allen. So far. **

**On an additional note, this year is the Lunar Year of the Metal Rabbit- Lavi's year (since his hammer is technically made of metal and all)! So here's to a Happy, Hoppy Lavi Year!**

**Disclaimer: Hoshino Katsura -sensei owns everything. I own nothing except this fic and the silly crackish things they get up to in their free time. Here you go- more rules, silliness, chaos, Yullen, and Lucky hints!**

**Kanda: Well at least you gave me a few cracks at the Moyashi. Though did you really have to make the Baka Usagi so annoying?**

**Lavi: But Yuu-chan! That's what I do best!**

**X**

**Things Members of The BO Are No Longer Allowed To Do, cont'**

121. Stop singing "The Dead Girlfriend Song" around Arystar Krory, you lot. Don't come running to us when he snaps.

122. We did warn you.

123. Kanda Yuu is not allowed to tell unsuspecting, gullible new Finder recruits that Allen Walker's Crown Clown Innocence looks that way because he "likes bondage".

124. Allen Walker is not allowed to throw hammers at Kanda Yuu. Didn't you read Rule 83? You two are running up more medical bills than the rest of the Exorcists _and_ Finders on active duty doing _real_ missions combined.

125. Lavi does not count and you know it.

126. "Physical harm" DOES mean the same as "lasting damage" when referring to you two, you bastards.

127. You are not Prussia, Lavi. Stop trying to occupy anyone's vital regions. And even if you were, you wouldn't be half as awesome.

128. Bak Chang, you are not Prussia/ Gilbert Beilschimdt. And no, we will not call you the "Awesome Bak-sama" just because you want us to.

129. Fou agrees with us anyway.

130. Allen Walker is not allowed to tie up Lavi and Kanda with his Innocence.

131. Allen Walker is not allowed to duct tape Lavi and Kanda.

132. Allen Walker is not allowed to incapacitate Lavi and Kanda in any manner. It doesn't matter who deserved what. We don't care if they still refuse to apologize for the closet-incident.

133. Lavi, Kanda, even if he did manage to find loopholes in the rules, have you read Rule 123? Yes, it now applies to you too, Lavi.

134. Kanda Yuu and Lavi are not allowed to tell unsuspecting, gullible new Finders that Allen Walker is "into bondage". There, happy now?

135. Don't "che" us, Kanda. You made us do it.

136. We really don't give a damn if it's true.

137. Lavi, why is there a tall, dark and handsome Portuguese lord in Komui's office trying to buy you?

138. Lavi and Kanda is not allowed to tell gullible, unsuspecting new Finders that Allen Walker's scar is because he likes it "sudden, unexpected, hard, fast and rough- _especially_ FAST & ROUGH", then set them on him.

139. Allen does _not_ appreciate being pulled into random rooms and molested by the new recruits, you two. Refer to Rule 138. Or are you both illiterate?

139.5 He would also like us to inform Kanda that he is barred from Allen's room for the next seven millenniums.

140. We have your report cards from the Asia Branch, Kanda. We know you're not that dumb. Do we look stupid to you?

141. "CHE, YES" spray painted on the doors of our offices ISN'T AN ACCEPTABLE ANSWER TO RULE 139! Insulting our intelligence will get you nowhere, Kanda.

142. Lord Tyki Mikk is now allowed in the Black Order _only_ when there are _NO_ females in the vicinity. No one wants a repeat of that incident. On the other hand though, that was the first time we ever saw anyone run away that fast. Wait. _Lord Tyki Mikk?_

143. Lavi, stop plastering nude photos of Allen and Lenalee on the walls. What's up with you? Wait, don't answer that. We're not masochists.

144. Hevlaska would like us to tell you that the next person to use the Central Hollow as a bungee jumping spot will face the wrath of her tentacles.

145. No, Lavi, that does not include spanking. Get those perverted thoughts out of your head!

146. NO, KOMUI! PUT THAT DRILL DOWN!

147. This isn't a democracy, and even if it were, we wouldn't elect _you_ as president.

148. Well, the Komurins might. But _they_ don't count.

149. No, Lavi, no one finds it funny to attack the Crow with paintball machines to "test their reflexes".

150. Nor is it funny to attack the Grand Generals with them either.

**X**


	7. Rules 151 to 180

**Disclaimer: Hoshino Katsura -sensei owns everything. I own nothing except this fic and the silly crackish things they get up to in their free time.**

**Special thanks to everyone who faved, alerted and reviewed this! Especially to my reviewers, you guys really made my day, because you reminded me of my love for writing- it's one of my very favourite things to do after all. I jut wasn't expecting 14 reviews and so many views! Please review? Tell me if this is good or bad, or if you have any suggestions, please leave them in the reviews. =)**

**xylla: I'm also raring to write about that rule, but I want it to be when i actually have the time, so i don't think i'll be able to do any more backstories until possibly May.**

**You see, i'm on a scholarship, and its continuation depends on how good my Foundation results are. So I have to study really hard this semester to make up for Semesters 1 and 2, which i completely flubbed. Sorry. But i'll make it up to you guys, i promise. Just be patient! And i'll give you a great big COOKIE of Kanda and Allen and all their little babies. =D**

**X**

**Things Members of The BO Are No Longer Allowed To Do, cont'**

151. Again with the nude shots? Seriously, just stop. We did NOT need to see that much of Bookman, General Tiedoll _or_ Chaoji anyway!

152. Lavi is to go on each and every mission, regardless of whether the Noah Tyki Mikk will show up or not.

153. We don't care if he's stalking you. It's probably your fault anyway.

154. Stop imitating Orochimaru outside the Finders' bunks in the middle of cold, dark and stormy nights, you lot. Your "kukukukuku"s are starting to become highly disturbing. They're also making the Finders wet their beds.

155. Stop imitating Russia either. Those "kolkolkolkolkol"s are giving everyone the creeps! WE CAN'T SLEEP AT NIGHT NOW AND IT'S ALL. YOUR. FAULT!

156. You all deserve to be put on laundry duty for the bed sheets. Yes, even you, Allen. For shame! We expected better from you.

157. No, Lavi, Timothy, we did _not _expect better.

158. Stop dragging Allen into your pranks and blaming him for everything that goes wrong. He is Not Amused.

159. You're not allowed to defect to the Noahs because "Lulubell is my type and a damn fine woman", General Cross. You too, Lavi.

160. Creating a magazine called "Kinky BO Play Bunnies" and selling it to everyone is forbidden. The aforementioned "kinky Black Order play bunnies" are not pleased about this.

161. Since when was _Kanda_ a kinky Black Order play bunny anyway? Allen we can sort of understand (though why is he the centerfold again?).

162. Allen's opinion on Kanda does not count in this case.

163. Kanda, just _how_ did you clear out all the issues of the first copy? Where did you get that much money from again?

164. General Froi Tiedoll is forbidden to fund or sponsor Kanda Yuu's fetish for anything Moyashi-related. That goes for painting nudes of Allen Walker in compromising positions (and not so compromising ones) as well. No, not even if your "father heart" thinks it is cute.

165. Kanda Yuu is not allowed to assassinate Lenalee Lee because he thought she was crushing on Allen Walker.

166. Just because Allen is British does not mean he will make "one hell of a **hawt** butler", Lavi.

167. He won't make "one **-bleep-** hell of a sexy maid" either, Kanda. You too, General Cross.

168. Please respect his roots, Lavi. No drawing super thick eyebrows on him while he is sleeping. Stop asking him if he sees "little fairies and invisible imaginary friends". And stop calling him Iggy. Lenalee, take those green contacts out of his eyes and dye his hair back. He does not like the blonde hair.

169. The Black Order is not secretly a covert, secret sado-masochistic religious organization bent on covering up shady details about certain historical conspiracies.

170. And no, we are NOT a cover for the Templar Knights, the Freemasons, the Illuminati, Opus Dei or the Priory of Sion. We are not a cover for _any_ secret society at all. WE. Are. A Secret. Society. OURSELVES. We have no need to cover up for any other secret societies because we are secret ourselves!

171. Lavi, Bookman and all other Black Order members are hereby BANNED from buying any more works by Dan Brown.

172. You're not allowed near any novels on conspiracies either! Now step away from that bookstore.

173. You deserve to get stuck in the Crows' Shibaribane **(1)**, Lavi.

174. Allen. Is. British. We get it. Now desist from dying his hair black, stuffing green contacts and glasses into/ in front of his eyes, and painting lightning scars on his forehead. Yes, Lenalee, we're talking to you too. Return all that black cloth.

175. It really doesn't matter how cute he loo- wow, now that _is _cute!

176. We know, Lenalee. We all deserved those bruises from the thick holly club he used to bash us with. Lavi, what happened to a traditional wand?

177. Allen, it is not nice to use The Puppy Eyes on Kanda. The effect this has on him is… terrifying, to say the least.

178. No, you're forbidden from using The Smile, The Charm or the Bishie Sparkles either.

179. Yes, you _can_ use them on Komurin when it's on the loose. Be our guest.

180. OK, seriously, Lavi, _what the hell did you do to Tyki Mikk?_

**XXXXXXX**

**(1) Shibaribane- The binding feathers that Link and the rest of the Crow used on Allen and Kanda the few times we saw them. **

**Enjoy! And please drop a review if you have the time. Some constructive criticism and comments are very much welcome!**


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